The Weak One
;Gives up?
Cant even remember when was my last post.
Was back to blogging as i think i need to take a break from studies.
Update a little about life and to keep in track with my thoughts.
Hectic lifestyle have taken away my time for some refreshment about life
and i seems to be a lttle worn out.
Getting a little stressed up that i felt that my emotion is on the verge of breaking down.
Hah, aint we talking about giving up here?
Well, what to say, i think im sooo weak that from time to time when im packed with stuff, i tends to "feel like giving up"
Weaklings i would say, but who am i to give up, when others are able to cope so well?
Why can't i do the same and give in my best
which i most probably haven yet give.
So, I was enocourage myself to walk a little futher, day by day, life would seems a little muhc more different...brighter perhaps!
Giving up is like walking away from the a door without trying if its lock.
Life
-Give me a proper definition
Started with my attachment, still remember how fear and anxiousness had me breathless.
But im now ready for more future attachment! hehs.
Just that i don't really like being soooooo passive?
Its like i need to take more initiative to do things or to ask, or maybe what i meant was, a little more outspoken
Hush!
hahas! After the two weeks holiday, hetic lifestyles fall back in places, waiting to strangle me dead.
Im not being subjective, but when it comes to a certain organisation issue, i have to be more cautious. Having my friend said that he had change and gotten much advice and chances to turn a new life was no joke. Yet, what i felt that, (no finger pointing or had i already set my own prediction) just imagine the one appears to be a good family members or friends, can be a totally different in his own society away from ours.
Just some thoughts...
It felt so weak to be saying i miss you.
But i did, just that i stop trying.
Perfect me, not;
The one that i wanna be
Why do i felt so stress, when everyone elses are coping just fine. To them its a snapping their finger, while im here, trying my best to be the best. Yet, i feel like tearing myself into pieces. Yes, im not suppose to feel this way, yet i just couldnt control. Im i weak? or just plain 'useless... So, what else can i do to cope with everything that is falling on me. I know, i just have to tell myself, you can do it"
(shall continue again)
My Path;
Nursing?
Oh well, countless thoughts that run through my mind ever since my O's level result is out till i started my school over at Ngee Ann Polytechnic.
Dilemma, nursing or no?
I certainly don't hate nursing at all, i know it's gonna be rewarding and endless path which you will not find yourself stuck in the middle of nowhere. This nursing certificate definitely bring you somewhere bright.
Once again, NO! i don't deem nursing as something easy, something that anyone can look down on. I feel the passion that will grow within me few months down the road, given that im someone whom get emotionally touched so easily. Because i understand nursing is not just a steel rice bowl, it is actually more than that. Putting it in that way that, i remember well, during the times when my granny is admitted into the hospital, without the help of these healthcare teams, life would be much harder for my granny, my family members, even my siblings and me would be greatly affected.
Hats off to nurses that take up nursing because of passion.
Yet, the reason why im struggling was yet to be understand. I have supportive reasons to fend those negative thoughts off and i believe three years down the road i will not be dragging myself for everything related to my course. Other than having to wake up early though..
Yet i can sense a part of me refusing the fact that im in nursing or my future is something related to that. Just a part of me, a feeling, a thought that i cannot avoid and i do not wish to avoid. I fear that it may turn out to be what Little Prince had encountered, "a baobab tree". In that book, baobab is like a habit, a bad one. So if you did not get rid of it when it started small, you will have a hard time or unlikely for you to get rid of it. A baobab grow fast and it's gonna be huge. If its really starting to grow... and i avoided it, i fear it's existence would one day engulfed the whole of me. It's definitely something i hope to get rid of soon.
Maybe the day when i get rid of it, its the day i will annonce my course on the social network. Well, it really doesnt seems to matter if its on the FB, but give it a second thought, will you like to show something you are proud of to everyone? I certainly will, one day, be proud of my course. Just that i need time to adjust. To those that deem nursing as easy, deem it as only ppl who did not manage to get into a better course. I truly hope that one day they will learnt that, even with good results, without the fire burning, there's nothing in store for you if you are in nursing. When every single student graduated with that diploma in nursing, thats the point where everyone's passion are burning brightly.
Socializing tool:
Phone
It comes to a conclusion that phone is just a tool for socializing. Other than functions like map or navigation to guide, to me its just a tool that connects everyone together all the time but not just the time of needs. And we wonder, how people in the past survive on times without it? Well, i truly have no idea, but seemly true enough is, everyone is much more sincere in communication. No longer a simple texts, but letter and the effort make to pass one message is sincered enough. Yet now, although it brings people together at anytime, it still seems to lack of something.
Now, phone is no longer that important to me anymore, i used to be someone who goes frantic without my phone by me. And i will be checking my phone all the time. Well, i believed that im those which is sincered in replying every single msg. At least on my part, i played my best. But there is always ppl out there that is treating it like air. I deem these effort as precious, yet it seems invisible to others. I wonld not deny it sucks when what you deem as important or precious was just a piece if junk. So all the hardwork we had put in are just extra? Just wondering, is it just me that is the weird one.
the one that walks with you till the end, is you/-
It's a sneaky one ;
time
Well, i still can remember not long ago, i decided to step out into the world, leaving a cosy school enviroment to strive for a better life. So, year 2011 i got myself a job as a sales and took my O's for once more. It dint occured to me until now that time can slipped by so fast without us noticing. I have been in the society for like a year now, preparing to get into school life again. Everything seems to be a long road until you take the first step and continue walking. With different daily event, time actually past by so fast. My sis is taking her psle, my bro is in the university and im stepping into a whole new enviroment that no one had ever thought of at all. Can't denied that i have been worrying about surviving the upcoming three years time, yet i believe, these three years can actually past by fast, and I will not let it be another part of my regrets. With too many regrets, it maybe saddening, but regret is just like a result slip and the test paper, without them, you never know how you fare and what you have done wrong. I suppose time have trained me well for a better man, but i am not gonna let time do the job. i will have to put in effort too.
Like always, Determination never appeared in my dictionary at all. This time, i will put that in myself, NO more excuses for the thing i cant achieve or i fail to do. I will make sure whatever i failed, i will succeed the next time. No i will not let it pass, i will pick myself up at where i fall. This a promised.
-/IM DETERMINED
Like Always...
Sometimes i wonder, am i the only one, waiting for the impossible.
Yest. was really a tiring day though, slept at three plus four and i woke up at six plus to pay my grandpa a visit in the cemetry. Since i have shifted, the trip there was.. well pretty much closer. Its like a ten mins drive away. Glad that the weather on the day itself and the day before was dry. Therefore the greens there aint like muddy or watery. So its quite a pleasent trip. What did surprised me was there is this van over there which is selling drinks! Its quite a rare chance to see that, and i wondered, will he earn alot like that? But it comes to a conclusion that, no he's not going to earn alot, because the visit there is short enough for "nowadays vistor" and provided, no adult actually brought their younger generation like my mum did though. So chances are, its not that profitable.
So i do have some plan for my new life in polytechnic, yet because of little determination in me, i at times wonder will it be something impossible to carry out with. I have long and yearn for a more packed-up life as i love feeling busy always! But im always stuck in dilemma that whether a picking a sport CCA will be wise as my course would require much committment. I simply do not wish to divert necessary attention to other area of interest instead of studies(which is rather important at this point of time)
At some point of times, i envy my friends' life! They seems so carefree and have plenty of times to enjoy their life in poly or even JC. While im here, going to strive for a brighter future in order to be ready to provide a better life for my family members. Let alone having to support my sister for her future studies in the future. Everything seems to be hard to achieve, and i felt that im always an underachiever. Oh my, life ahead would be so stress.
But i will no deny that, without this life of mine, i will not be who i am now. Everything may seems difficult, yet i believe what i learnt from all that will be far more worth it. So why compare? since at the end of the day, life will be fair in either ways.
Having the urge to talk about Katy Perry's Part of me, inspiring enough and it speaks what's on my mind. Seeing that she have cut her hair in the mv and join the US Marines seriously makes me boiled with passion. How i wish i can be like her. And i told myself, one day i will have my hair snip off, and enjoy my life as a hardy soul. And that is a PART OF ME that i never ever want it to disappear. I swore to be a lady that can support the family in anyway, i want people to respect me and i want to be able to succeed in what i want to achieve. On a side note,
US MARINES ROCKS!
